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Money can’t buy love. But a lot of it can get you matchmaker Barbie Adler.
Adler, founder of the elite matchmaking company Selective Search, boasts that 1 in 3 of her clients fall for the first person they’re paired with.
“It’s really quick,” Adler said.
That figure is unthinkable for most people on the dating apps, where it’s known to be a numbers game, and even so, years can pass without any luck.
People typically pay between $75,000 and $500,000 for Adler’s services (and in some cases, even more), according to business records reviewed by CNBC. Her team of matchmakers conducts in-person interviews with clients, which delve into their childhoods, desires, aversions and romantic histories. Adler has identified 225 key indicators, including family values, politics and religion, to determine lasting compatibility.
“When people come to see us, they’ve never learned how to date,” she said. “Their picker is just broken.”
She said her service was “not for the masses,” but that for the wealthy, it was well worth it.
“Nothing is bigger or more important than who you’re going to be with for the rest of your life,” she explained.
What about for everyone else out there trying to find love? Adler shared her best dating advice.
Take time to reflect
Before people even begin to seriously date, they should take time to reflect on themselves and what they want, Adler said, “Silence your world, and put together a game plan.”
To start, she suggests asking yourself these two questions:
- Am I the partner I want to be for someone else?
- What do I need to do to work on myself to attract the kind of person I’m looking for?
You might conclude that you need to exercise more and eat healthier, or address a longstanding anger issue, Adler said. Some will realize they need to be more giving in relationships. Think about the problems previous partners, or those you’ve been dating, brought up to you. “Listen and don’t be defensive,” Adler said.
“Be humble and ask how you can be a better version of yourself,” she added. “Someone who has worked on themselves is really attractive.”
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Once you’ve taken an inventory of yourself, you should then think deeply about what kind of partner you’re looking for, Adler said: “Put a list together of what you need. Get clarity about physical traits, value systems, lifestyle and family planning.”
As part of this reflection, it can be useful to think about why previous relationships didn’t work out, Adler said. There may be a pattern you need to break.
“We keep our clients from repeating the same patterns,” Adler said. “People will say, ‘I don’t want the same wounded bird anymore. I want a partner now.'”
Don’t settle
Adler’s matchmakers dedicate a lot of time helping clients to identify their deal breakers and their must-have qualities in a partner. As hard as it is, you don’t want to negotiate on these things, Adler said.
“You have to make sure you guys want the same things out of life,” she said. “If someone wants to spent their time in the arts, and someone else likes to spend their time on the slopes — that’s two very different lifestyles.”
It is most important not to compromise on the big topics, Adler said.
“If you want to have kids, why would you waste your time with someone that’s a ‘maybe’ on kids? Or think that you could change their mind?” she said.
“Settling is the quickest way to have a divorce attorney in your phone,” she added. “I think that you should uphold your standards.”